~Bumped~
Monday, November 10, 2014
Don't know why,
Tell me why...
Hellow you gorgeous people. =D
This is gonna be a random rant post. haha XD
So read on if you don't mind my rants but do close this window if you don't wish to read xD
So yea. Last night I was clearing my laptop because apparently I have too many documents and pictures in my laptop.
Which cause my laptop to perform really slow =P
Sorry larh I am a lazy and disorganized person XD
And while I was clearing, I stumbled across this document. and I wish, I had not discovered that post.
It was a freaking long message I was supposed to send to my friend.
But, I can't remember to whom I wanted to send to. And also, I can't remember if I sent it. hrmm~
It does not really matter now. ;D Not important anyway..
As I stumbled across that document, while reading it, at that point I wanted to cry so badly. I wanted to cry my heart out.
But, I did not let my tears fall. I kept them in because I know I am stronger than I think.
So yea. I was not sad that it happened.
But I was rather angry at myself that it happened. I kept blaming myself.
Reading it, I was very embarrassed of myself.
I was such a fool. and I really wish that it did not happen.
I can't really describe how I actually felt.
But, discovering that document brought me back to the past.
I was disgusted at myself.
A sudden hit of trauma.. A slap so hard on the face that made me wanna faint. And a stab in a heart so deep I felt like I was about to die. [exaggerate much hahaah XD]
And it haunts me so badly...
I can't believe I actually cherished someone who made me ignored certain things in life.
And how much I wasted time and money for that someone.
And how I let that someone took advantage of me.
How I lied ..
How afraid I was...
Someone who disrespected me and my decision.
Someone who was so controlling and irrational.. and stupid..
and who acted like a 5-year old kid.
I hated that person so much at the beginning. But, I've learnt to let go.
To totally forget about that person. [And it's one of the best things that has ever happened in my life.]
Because that person does not worth a single space in my heart, mind or time.
And I know that person is not even worthy to be my friend..
Eventually, I completely deleted that person off my mind.
And I could not be happier to not acknowledge its existence. [yes I call that person "its" because I don't think that person is even human. sorry hahaha]
I hate my past self so much. okays maybe a stronger word. I despise my past self so badly.
I guess I was in a spell or I was blind or something.
But, I feel that, my past self wasn't me at all.
How my past self acted and thought, weren't myself at all.
I regret over my mistakes so badly.
And I am not a person who regrets over the past as I learn from my mistakes.
But in this case, I really regret it deeply. And I wish to never admit I have done it. But yea, life goes on. I did the mistake and I should resent.
I've learnt from it. I think that is the greatest lesson in my life.
I have accepted who I was for these years.
But with this stupid document,for a moment, I kinda lost my self pride...
I felt so worthless of myself for one moment.
In the end, I told myself, I know how worthy I am and I should not blame myself for my past.
I am a better person now..And I know this very well=)
And I am way way way way way more worth over that person. PFFFTT!! XD
And that person shall not bring my pride down because that person simply does nothing in my life anymore. ;D
I know I have moved on. I know I have grown matured.
And I definitely know that I have changed and not to trust so easily..
And also to never rush into things.
I am also not the person whom I used to be...
Last night, I felt so dumb and depressed. Like why did I even give in?
And I am thankful that I had a couple of friends whom I poured my feelings to.
I felt so much better.
And the assurance and energy they gave made me feel so much better. =)
Thanks girls. Love you girls to bits!
So.. Everyone has a dark past.
I have a dark past. I've accepted it =) And I am glad it happened too.
I forgave myself long ago. =D
And I am thankful that it happened for a short period of time only.
And also, I am thankful as nothing serious happened =)
So... What I wanna say is. yea. everyone has a dark past. we move on from it. We reflect ourselves..
We become a better person =)
And we should not judge each other based on who we were.
Because those were the past.
We are living in the present and we should find ways on how to become a better person from our mistakes.
No regrets =)
And.. I have decided to delete that document in the end .
I should not hold onto something that is the past. It's unhealthy..
And also, it does me no good as it haunts me so badly..
So yes =D I deleted it and I can never find it anymore to remind me of the past. Yayyy!! =D
I live the present and I am so blessed with awesome and supportive people around me.
People who love me for who I am. and not who I was =D
I thank God for that.
So I guess that's all for now =)
Sorry to take up your time reading this. Just a random rant I wanna write about haha XD
so cheers! Till next time!!! =D
"This is how we roll!"
4:15 PM
