~Proposal~
Tuesday, May 17, 2022
Hello, dear readers!
Well, I guess my comeback this time seems to be shorter than
the previous post.
Anyway! This post is definitely long overdue. Almost two
years. I have been procrastinating to draft out the little details of the
subject above. I have a tendency to forget events in my life and hence, I am
writing this down just so I can look back and remind myself of the feelings I have
experienced especially on this very one memorable occasion in my life. And also to relive the memories of that day ;D
I am not sure how I should begin but here goes.
I guess I had a hunch that he was going to propose to me in that
year. He can’t seem to hide his feelings or plans well :P He was rather
suspicious, especially weeks before the proposal. Somehow, he wanted to “pre-book”
me on a very specific date, asking me to dress up for a certain friend’s
housewarming at a rather odd location (pardon me, I can’t remember exactly it
was).
There were a few triggering points/coincidences which have raised
my level of suspicion.
One, he has never “booked” me weeks in advance as our
plans are usually last minute.
Two, the housewarming date for a friend in Penang was
also rather close to our anniversary, which we had plans to celebrate in Penang.
When asked more details about the housewarming party, he was somehow seen nervous.
He did not seem to know much about the party (i.e. should we bring any food, what
time should we arrive, who else would be there, what gift should we prepare).
It was as if he was trying to stop me from asking too many questions.
Three, he has never asked me to dress up and what’s more if
it is just for a housewarming party for his friend. He even picked the dress I
should wear particularly. He emphasized that I should look at my very best that
day.
Four, I never recalled any new housing developments in that
location he mentioned but it sounded more like an Airbnb.
Five, I remember vaguely that his friend has just recently
signed a sales & purchasing agreement for a house and hence, it’s quite impossible
for the house to be ready that soon.
Well, as I was able to sniff something is up (because he is
such a terrible liar :P), but at the same time, I wasn’t entirely sure if my
hunch was right, I tried to prepare myself mentally. I imagined how the
proposal would be and how I should react to it. If my hunch was right, and being
the superstitious me, I hinted him that no one has actually held a housewarming
party during the hungry ghost month (the “housewarming party” coincided with the
hungry ghost festival). Mainly, I also did not wish to have the proposal happening
during that period, IF it was to happen (again, I wasn’t sure if the
housewarming party was real :P)
Due to this superstitious, he told me that he will speak to
his friend again. And ultimately, this so-called housewarming party was cancelled.
So yeah, I thought that maybe I was just overthinking or overreacting and that this
housewarming party was indeed real.
Then our anniversary came. We returned to
our hometown, Penang and celebrated our anniversary at ESCAPE theme park the
entire day. On our journey to ESCAPE theme park, he told me that he wants to
have a proper dinner date with me on that upcoming Friday (you’ll find
out why later) before we head back to KL. Which, I agreed to it without any
suspicion since it wasn’t any special occasion and there was no location picked
yet.
After our adventure at ESCAPE park the entire day, he gave
me a few options to select for our anniversary dinner. I remember the options
included Il Bacaro and FG (name shortened on purpose). He asked for my opinion about FG initially. Although FG is on the way back home, I mentioned
to him that I've been there and the ambience there is spectacular, but the food is rather mediocre and
does not justify the price we are paying. And also for the fact that I wanted to try something new. Hence, we have decided to settle at the
Italian restaurant, Il Bacaro. Somehow the anniversary dinner was rather odd because
all the restaurants he has chosen seem to have dark and romantic settings.
I would be lying if I tell you that I wasn’t nervous because
I thought the proposal was going to happen soon. I was low-key hoping that he
does not propose to me on our anniversary night because I was in terrible
condition with my slightly darkened skin after outdoor activities at ESCAPE
park, my hair was not blown dry properly after showering in a public area, the
strap of my heels snapped, makeup not covering my designer eye bags 😜😜😜 and the
list goes on. But, thankfully, he did not pop the question that night though I am pretty sure it was also one of his plans but he had to tweak for me since our anniversary date
coincided with hungry ghost festival.
Then, Friday came. I was working from home and was a
little unwell that day as I came down with a sore throat. I was very much occupied
first half of the day from visiting the doctor, sorting out with the insurance
agency if I could claim the bills for clinics not under their panel and submitting
my claim for approval under the company’s insurance. Hence, I did not suspect
anything of our dinner later that day.
I wasn’t sure what time he was going to fetch me or where we
are going until I asked. He told me that he will fetch me at 6.15pm and we are
heading to FG just because he wanted to try the food there after
seeing good reviews on Google despite the comments, I made a few days before. He told me that he just wanted to relief his stress and to have a proper dinner date with me.
After knowing he wanted to go all the way to Batu Feringghi,
I started nagging. The restaurant is indeed very far from our place. Mind you
that the journey takes about 45 minutes to an hour. And the fact that we passed
by that restaurant from ESCAPE park the other day and it was one of our options
for our anniversary dinner, we could have dined in there if I knew he wanted to
try the food so badly. I even suggested a few other places nearby that we can
get similar food. Especially when he told me that he was
having headaches too. My nagging continued on when we were on our way to dinner
hahaha! 😂 I complained that my outfit was too casual after seeing him dressing up
quite well. Partly my dressing was casual because he asked me to. I was also
nagging about the location being too far since it was pretty jam because it was
a FRIDAY, after work and school hours, and it was raining too. In my mind, I didn’t
think that all these suffers/efforts justify the time and fuel to go all the
way to Batu Feringghi for western food especially when we were around that area
few days ago.
Now, here’s the part which got me super suspicious of him.
He claimed that he has never been to FG. But, when we arrived, he
somehow knew exactly where to park. While I have been there once and did not
know that there is a designated parking area for customers. At the receptionist
table, while I was in the midst of going through the reservation list to look
for his name, he quickly ushered me into the restaurant (which later I found out was because he did not want me to see his friend's name under that list). However, I did not get
the table number reserved for us. He took my arm, and we went into the
restaurant, pacing back and forth at one particular area. Somehow, he suddenly
sat at one particular table as if he already knew exactly which table belonged
to ours. He requested me to switch seats as well, which is rather odd because
we don’t normally switch once we are seated. I was facing the entrance initially,
but my back was then facing the entrance after the switch. (the reason for the switch was just so I would not notice my friend walking through the entrance later)
Some guy was walking
pass me with balloons and one which was written as “Will You Marry Me, XXX (I
can’t remember the girl’s name)?”. I was also low-key hoping that my proposal
wouldn’t be that cheesy with balloons. But,
I just brushed off any mere coincidences and tried to enjoy the day as if we
were just on a “date”. We ordered Chicken Chop and Fish and Chips only
as I nagged at him about the food prices because I am such a cheapskate hahaha!
However, I couldn’t help but to notice that the waitresses/waiters
were somehow acting rather strangely around me. But then again, I tried not to
overthink :P Before the dinner, he told me that he wanted to meet up with his
friend (the friend who was supposed to have his so-called housewarming party) for supper/dessert after our dinner and asked me to join. Of course, I willingly accepted
the offer since I do not wish to have any desserts here.
But during the
dinner, he was somehow, fidgety. He wasn’t focused on me, kept looking at a
certain direction and he was always on his phone. I nagged at him because I
could not enjoy his presence there especially when we came so far. He looked very
nervous. I think he made a few rounds to the toilet during our dinner too hahaha!
After dinner, he asked if I would like to go to the toilet, which was rather
odd because he never does that. I’d be the one telling him that I want to go to
the toilet instead. Sensing something is fishy, I took my time in the toilet to
fix and prepare myself hahaha! But still trying to look composed because I did not want to overthink. He asked me to wait at my seat after my return
from the toilet because he wanted to look for desserts when we have already agreed to have supper/dessert with his friend. He left me alone with no explanation and in a
very hurried manner which further added to my suspicion. So yeah. I thought we were
leaving too since everything on the table was cleared off. I wore my mask.
Out of a sudden… I saw this waiter carrying a bouquet of
flowers from the other side of the room. He seemed to be walking towards my
direction. To be honest, I was really hoping it was not for me because I wasn’t
ready for any surprises at that point of time. But… as the waiter got closer, I
saw my close friend, Jojo, whom I just met the day before! She kept the
surprise from me pretty well! It wasn’t how I expected myself to be reacting,
but tears started to flow uncontrollably. I tried my hardest to stop myself
from crying but I couldn’t. It was worst when I saw my partner and his friend (whom we were supposed to have dessert with later). Hahaha!
It finally hit me that he is really proposing to me on that very night. My reaction wasn't exactly how I wished it to be. Well,
there was a video recording on what exactly happened but I will spare the details because I might want to
save it during our wedding day :P I tried to hold myself from crying but I couldn’t.
I knew whatever pictures taken would turn out ugly. Which is in fact true. Kindly
refer below.
Anyway! :D I guess it didn’t turn out like how he planned it to be, but it went well. Poor boy must have been so shocked seeing me crying
like a baby and not knowing what to do because he has completely skipped his
speech and just popped the question right away. And he must have been so annoyed with my naggings throughout the whole evening. 😂 To be honest, I was shaking during
the entire proposal. He must have been more stressed out or anxious compared to
me. Well, he finally put a ring on me after 6 years of dating, and I guess that
was the easiest “yes” ever! Hehe. Just to let you know, I nagged too after the
proposal hahah! Saying that he has must have spent quite some amount of of
money on the ring and flowers and how I would prefer if he could convert the
flowers to a proper meal (but now, my old opinion is not relevant since this is
once in a lifetime and the ring is my possession :P)
After the proposal, we just caught up with our friends and I
was still in disbelief that a proposal just happened, and I am getting married.
We went home after that and I was worried because I did not know how to break
the news to my mum hahaha! But, he followed me back to my home, carrying the
bouquet of flowers behind me while I flashed my ring to my mum. Of course, she
was shocked too! I couldn’t really sleep that night because of the happiness/excitement
that was contained inside of me. I couldn’t believe that I was engaged!
The
next day, my partner surprised me again by delivering a box of roses to me.
To be honest, I am not a fan of flowers because I always think they are a waste
since they will wilt one day. And they are not cheap :P Hence, I nagged again hahaha! 😂Well I guess, they are
alright since they are for special occasion and as I mentioned, my old opinion is definitely irrelevant 😋 The proposal was one of a kind.
My kind. I never wanted my proposal to be extravagant/lavish but more of a plan
that would catch me off guard and rather sweet/personalized/intimate. And it
was simply perfect for me. The right setting, the right witnesses, the right ring,
and the right timing 😊 I guess that “butterfly in tummy” feeling
went on for a very long time haha!
At the time of writing, I am officially and legally married
to my husband. I can’t believe I’ve got myself a husband. However, the wedding has
been postponed a few times now due to the pandemic situation. Hopefully, it will be
happening very soon! :D
Owh well. Guess he has made his choice and signed a lifetime agreement with me and there's no turning back regardless of how irrational I can be
hahaha! The next headache that is coming upon us will be the wedding and our
new home :P Wish us luck then!
Till next post!
(if there are still any readers left :P)
3:28 PM
~Lost~
Monday, September 27, 2021
Hello, my dear readers! (if I still have any 😋)
It has been such a long time since I last blogged!
The last post was back in 2018! Three years have passed and lots have changed.
It did not occur to me that it has been such a long time since then.
I am also surprised for the fact that I was able to sign in to this space 😂
I thought my account would be blocked for being inactive.
And looking at my blog, the layout does need a massive upgrade.
I'll save that for some other day because I do not have the patience and time to beautify my blog like how I used to 😅
I always have so many ideas or topics to talk about but whenever I have free time to myself, I prefer to do nothing, watch movies, scroll the social media, read some books.
It's as if I never have the perfect time and motivation to sit down and write a post.
Anyway, today's post is rather random.
It's more of me spilling all my thoughts here after keeping them to myself for a very long time.
And perhaps, this post shall act as a reminder for my future self to show how strong I have been😉
The Covid-19 pandemic has been going on for almost two years.
Our first total lockdown, MCO, began on 18th March, 2020.
And ever since that day, I've been working from home mostly.
I guess up to today, I only went to office for a cumulative of less than 21 days.
I am not saying WFH isn't great. But, there are some downsides to it as well.
The good part is, I am able to be back to my hometown and I do not need to wake up early to commute for work anymore. I do not need to dress up too. 😋 I get to save money too because I don't spend unnecessarily. And I don't have to meet people face to face 😂
I was moved to a new position about a month and a half from the first MCO date.
Honestly, when this opportunity was offered to me, I was very skeptical because I felt like my personality does not fit that job well.
I've always have bad perception and label on this job.
I guess there were people who saw growing potential in me and decided to give a shot at me.
I asked if I was given an option to turn down this offer but I guess the decision from the top was already firm.
Nevertheless, at that moment, I needed to try something new as I was in my previous role for over 3 years. It was getting stagnant and it was time to change.
So, I agreed to take up the position offered as I wanted to learn and push my limits and boundaries. I wanted to learn something different.
And because we were going through a pandemic, I did not want to make any dumb decision such as requesting to move to a new department as the situation in the company wasn't very convincing.
Coming from a technical background, this position has never been in my list. And it's one of the jobs that I want to avoid in my life 😂
However, I wanted to take the leap of faith for something that I have never imagined myself doing or trying.
I also wanted to change the stigma that a lady shouldn't be in that field.
But, I'd be lying if I was not afraid because I have no background and I am the only lady in that team.
Anyway, I am not sure if the Covid-19 pandemic has changed my life or the way I perceive life.
But, ever since I've switched position, my motivation level starts to decrease.
I don't enjoy doing the job.
Sometimes, I blame myself for feeling and being this way.
Why am I not able to accept and embrace the changes?
Perhaps, it is because the switch was at the wrong time.
I start to lose passion at my job. I couldn't put 100% focus at what I do most days anymore.
I feel a strong resentment towards my job. There were many days I felt like quitting. But I told myself to not give up and keep trying harder. Which I do until today. I still get my tasks completed as per requirements and expectations.
But, I start to lose direction in life. I do not know what I want to achieve in life. And this gives me anxiety because I feel I have no control of my life. I have no clarity of what lies ahead of me.
Sometimes, I'd get minor panic attack when I feel I have nobody to depend on at my job, under too much stress or when I feel that I am unable to overcome challenges.
I don't understand why I am not able to perform like how I used to. I just don't enjoy the learning process anymore. I start to lose my personality.
It seems that I am ungrateful. Many people fight to be where I am but I just can't find myself appreciating it.
I used to be very positive in life. And whatever that is thrown at me, I view it as an opportunity to challenge myself and learn.
But now, I am just resisting everything. And I can't seem to find an explanation for this. And it's frustrating.
I am unsure if it's because of job mismatched or because I've been cooped up for way too long.
I haven't been spending much time outside ever since the pandemic started.
I am still not allowed to many places as they only those who are fully-vaccinated to have that freedom. I am still waiting for my second dose in October.
At the same time, because our movements have been restricted due to this pandemic, I feel that I have no purpose in life. I am not able to travel.
For working so hard, there is no outlet for me to release stress, pamper myself or celebrate little achievements as we can't go anywhere.
Day-in, day-out, it's all about work. Even on weekends. There doesn't seem to be a boundary between work and personal space anymore.
Sometimes I get anxiety that people can still find me even when I am on leave. Because they know, you can reply to them later as you won't be anywhere far from home.
I can easily access to my email, chats as my laptop is within my reach.
So yeah. I guess the above are just my pent-up frustrations.
Not knowing what I should do or where I should head to.
But, I guess, after more than a year in my current position, I don't think that my personality fits the job.
I've tried very hard. I put in a lot of efforts. I've been willing to learn. But I am not sure if they are enough.
I am a perfectionist. I care too much about how people perceive of me when I can't live up to their expectations despite being new in that position.
I am worried I'd end up with anxiety or depression 😔
I really need to avoid that because there's so much ahead of me.
I just need to steer back to the right path. And discover what I truly want in my life.
Well, I guess that's all for my rant today.
I pray that things would get better for me from now on.
I pray that next year would be a better year and I'd be given the opportunity to express myself. I will constantly search for the opportunity that suits my needs.
Thank you for reading until the end of this post.
It means a lot to me to know someone actually cares about what I think or feel.
I will probably write a lighter post in my next one 😉
Until then.
Take care and stay safe!
Cheers.
10:56 PM
~My Superhero~
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Hey-low, my dear readers!
It's been a while since I last blogged.
I always make a comeback after disappearing for months from this blogging space, don't I?=P
Anyway.
I always have the urge the blog. But, I never had the time to actually sit down and type down my thoughts.
Especially when I am working five days a week. And I'd spend my whole day at work.
By the time I am back from work, I'd be too tired and lazy to even switch on my laptop.
My daily routine is so mundane.
Wake up. Breakfast. Work. Lunch. Work. Dinner. Shower. Scroll my newsfeed. Sleep.
Sometimes, I feel like I need a break from this routined life T_T
I know. I just started working for about a year only. But, it felt so loooooong.....
I feel that I've aged so much T_T
I'm becoming this middle-aged woman who gets annoyed and tired about everything XD
I miss those times when I just graduated.
Rotting at home and being a couch potato =P
That explains why I am so fat. Hrmm =(
ANYWAY.
It feels good to always come back to this little space of mine to spill out my thoughts.
Nobody to judge/comment.
Just me, my thoughts, and the space bounded by the four corners of my screen.
This post is rather random.
As the title says, I'm going to share with you awesome readers who my superhero is =)
I think I've blogged about this before but, it's alright. ;D
He deserves more than just a post.
Hmm. So I think, it's no surprise if I say that my daddy is my greatest superhero.
I believe that most daughters would think that their dads are their superheroes.
So yea =) My daddy is my greatest superhero.
It has been more than two years since he left us.
But, I still keep him close in my thoughts and heart.
Time does fly.
So many celebrations without him.
I do miss him. It's hard to believe that is no longer "here" with us.
Sometimes, I am still running away from this harsh reality.
My daddy is one of the few who understands me the most.
He is the one who would give me endless encouragements and advises.
The one whom I can count on.
The one who would lend his shoulders to me for support and for me to cry on.
He trusts me. He believes in me.
My daddy is one understanding individual. Kind. Loving. Sweet although hard and strict on the outside.
The one whom I can rely on for almost anything.
The one whom I always run to whenever I face problems in life.
The one whom I feel comfortable sharing about anything.
The one whom I can rant to.
The one who doesn't judge me in any way.
The one who listens to me attentively.
The wisest person I've ever met.
The most selfless person ever. Always thinking about us before him.
The one who loves me unconditionally even sometimes I can be a disappointment =P
The one who gives me all the attention I needed.
The one who pampers me if needed.
The one who makes sure I am well every time even though I am far away.
The one who shaped me who I am today =)
The one who teaches me valuable lessons in life to be a better person.
I honestly think I wouldn't have gone this far without him.
He always has my back. And he always has faith in me.
He is my pillar of strength.
Thank you, daddy =)
For creating so many beautiful moments in my life.
Thank you for being the greatest daddy in the world.
Thank you for providing me with everything that I need.
Thank you for being part of my journey =)
Words cannot express how much you mean to me and how much I love you.
But, I hope you know that you have a special place in my heart which nobody can ever replace. =D
I do get jealous whenever I see people around me who still get to spend time with their dads.
And I wish my daddy is still here with me physically.
The four of us, going everywhere together. Eating together. Laughing together.
Going to a movie together.
At first, it was difficult when there were only three of us left in my family.
It was awkward. But with time, it gets a little easier.
I admit that there were times I feel that it's unfair that God has taken away one of the greatest blessings so early in my life. There are so many things I want him to see. But, I believe, everything happened for a reason. And who knows. Daddy might be looking at me from above =)
Sometimes, I do suppress my feelings.
Because I want to be strong for the people around me.
But inside, I am just a vulnerable little girl.
Afterall, I am just a human =)
I have feelings too. And it's normal.
And no, I am not asking for sympathy.
I believe everyone has gone through his/her hardest moment in life and this shall be mine. And I will not fuss about it.
I guess that's all from me. This is not an emo post =P
Rather, an appreciation post for this special person who was part of my life for 23 years =)
And my advise to you people, cherish every single moment. Live the moment. Appreciate people who mean to you. Spend as much time with them. =)
Cheers.
"And I hope, I had made you proud. And I will never stop making you proud"
2:15 PM
~New Phase~
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Hello, dear readers!
I apologise for my long disappearance from this blog.
I was just too lazy to blog =P
I had so many ideas on what to write but..
I just didn't have the motivation to sit down for a couple of hours to write down my thoughts.
Because, I have other "priorities" =P
Like sleeping, eating, watching movies and all those "saving the world" stuffs xD
So! Here are some updates about me.
Back in May, I had a short vacation with my friends in Singapore. Three days two night. It was fun ;D I don't think I want to write the details here. haha xD
I was travelling back and forth to KL too because I had some briefing to attend and also because my other half had an interview.
June was my birthday month. Yayy!
So I had a few outings. Met up with a few of my friends.
Even though someone ditched me in Penang and went to Australia without me! *hmph*
Ahh...I'm too lazy to write everything here...
If you follow me on Instagram, you'll know what I've been doing. =P
Anyway!
Now, I would like to share my stories which I did not mention in my Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or any other social media.
From my previous post, I mentioned that I actually took up some part-time jobs.
I managed to land three of them.
I became a part-time tutor and a homework coach.
I taught an autism boy and Form 3 students maths and science, and I coached primary school children on their homework.
I worked on average of four days a week and about 3.5 hours each day .
Yes. The working hours weren't long. But, I am satisfied as it is something that I was looking for.
Because initially, I just wanted to take up a job that could occupy a few hours of my day only. And also, I really wanted to try teaching since I love to share knowledge with people.
I didn't want to commit at least eight hours of my day working while waiting for my permanent job with the company I am bonded to.
I wanted to spend time with my family. And also have a break before the real working phase. Hence, I chose to take up jobs which are more flexible.
The past three months plus have given me a new and valuable experience.
It was an interesting experience for me because I have never taught anyone else besides my friends and brother.
It was fun, to be honest. I really enjoyed my job.
As I had to think of a way to deliver a certain idea or concept to the students. I had to think from their side and their level of knowledge.
Especially when I was teaching a special need child.
I wanted to challenge myself.
Even though the parents of the child told me about the difficulties of handling an autism child, I still wanted to take up the job to tutor him.
Overall, he could cope with my teaching. He has given me a chance to understand and learn about someone from the special needs.
I am really thankful and glad for that =)
It also gets a little challenging when students find it difficult to grasp the message I am trying to deliver.
Nonetheless, the students were very supportive.
They were patient and cooperative to me as well as they knew I am new in teaching.
Coaching primary school students has made me more connected and loving to children. They make me so happy.
Their little actions, like offering me food, helping me to carry things or making little conversations with me, make me feel so appreciated and loved.
The innocence in them. How honest they are. How happy they are. Not a single worry in their mind. How forgiving they are. How easily they forget a fight. How thoughtful they are.
They do make me realise how adults are more childish than children at times.
Adults can be cunning, evil.. Adults hold grudges, lie, are unforgiving, worry too much...
I become more aware of my actions because of them.
Sometimes having a little of a child's mind is not too bad.
We need to let loose of certain things. ;)
Anyway!
I stopped working about a week ago.
Because, I finally got a placement with the company I am bonded to on 12th July =D yayyy!
I am supposed to report duty on 1st August.
So I only had three weeks to prepare everything when I got the phone call.
It was such a sudden news. I wasn't expecting it at all.
I had to rush down to KL to get my medical check-up done.
Had to buy a few stuffs. Had to pack. Had to find a place to stay.
Everything was going too fast with such a short period of time.
But, thankfully, almost everything is settled.
The only thing left is to pack my stuffs.
Hmm. To be honest, I am scared, excited, happy, sad for this new phase of my life.
The working phase. The actual adulthood.
I remember back then during my interview, I was asked what is the difference that I am no longer a student and that I am entering the corporate world soon.
And I jokingly told her that I no longer can experience student discounts.
That was because the thought of working has not settled in my mind yet as I just graduated from my degree.
Now, it scares me a lot that I am going to be a working adult in about a week's time.
The responsibility is big. I can no longer fool around. I need to be serious. Professional. I need to be more confident. There's no space to screw up.
It's not about attending lectures and passing exams anymore. Where my performance only affects me and NOT others.
I'm not sure if I am ready for those.
Everything I do will have an impact to the team.
I am scared more than excited actually.
I do not know what the job has for me.
I do not know how the future is.
I am so worried of all those uncertainties.
But I guess, I'll just go with the flow.
It scares me that I will be living alone for real now.
Renting my own room. Having my own space. Living my own life. Supporting myself with my own pay. Going everywhere alone. Be independent for real.
I'm an overly-attached daughter in my family T_T
I am not sure if I can actually do everything alone now.
I am not ready to leave my comfort zone =(
It scares me too that I am moving to a big, new city.
Having quite limited contacts.
I am very scared to be alone. Like not having many friends. ='(
It scares me a lot because my other half will not be there physically with me. =(
Sigh, I guess there's nothing much I can do now.
But to just hope and pray for the best.
So , hmm. I guess that's all for now =D
It's quite a long update eh? haha xD
Anyway! Wish me luck! =D I really need lots of it =(
I really hope everything goes well.
And I hope I like my job. That's very important.
Only if you like the job, you'd be happier working ;D
And you'd be looking forward to working every day.
Till then, bye! =)
"I want crazy"
9:44 PM
~ 7 Years ~
Friday, April 14, 2017
Hi, all!
It has been a while since I last blogged.
But, anyway! Here I am today. ;D
There has been some sort of trend lately where people have been posting photos of themselves from seven years ago on Instagram and Twitter.
So, I thought of doing one post for myself to see how much I have actually changed throughout the years.
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. And as a person.
Yes there were many mistakes which I made throughout the years. Stupid ones.
And like I always say, I do no regret them. I always believe that mistakes mold me into a better person.
I learn from them. I grow mature. I move on.
Anyway, I decided to not post my, which I personally think, not-so-major transformation on Instagram or Twitter.
That's because I prefer to keep my stories a little discreet since those social medias are way too public. ;)
Hence, that is why I am writing this post.
Here you go! =)
P/S = Warning. Please read at your own risk. Photos posted here may be very shocking. xD
Year 2010! (7 years ago)
So. Yea. This was seven years ago =P
I was only 17.
I started off the year going through my first ever heartbreak.
It was tough because I never had my heart broken before.
I did not know how to deal with it. I was lost. I felt as if my whole world was crumbling down.
It took me about a month to toughen myself again.
And to be honest, I am quite proud of myself.
Because, I think, one month is considerably very fast. =P
Looking back again, I have no idea why I put myself in such a difficult situation.
Holding on the guilt all by myself. As I should have appreciated myself more.
I thought of myself as worthless and unwanted. And also, I actually blamed myself for the whole situation.
I thought that I was the cause.
But again, it takes two to tango.
If only my past self was mature enough to see that. But owh well. I was only 17. ;D
I moved on from it eventually. I got over it.
Well, of course I did not do it alone.
Because of that heartbreak, I actually strengthen my friendships with a few of my high school friends.
And until today, our friendships remain the same as always. They are among the closest people I have in my life.
I shared my feelings my problems and my thoughts.
They were always there for me. To cheer me up. To hear me out. To give me advices.
They gave me so much happiness in times which I needed it.
They introduced me to K-pop as well =P Where I had my imaginary Korean boyfriend. And every day, without fail, I would fan girl over my biases XD
And because of them, I actually got over the heartbreak rather quickly.
With that heartbreak, my relationship with my parents became better too.
I was less hot-tempered. I became more patient and polite. I spent lesser time on the phone.
I wasn't moody or daydreaming like most of the time.
I communicated more with my parents as well =)
And, my main focus during that year was to score straight A's in SPM.
I studied so hard that I barely had time for myself.
Four days in a week I had to attend tuition classes. On top of that, I had extra curricular activities and extra classes as well.
I honestly dunno how I actually survived that . HAHAHA XD
Anyway, hard work definitely paid off =)
2010 is a year which made me realise that even if my world comes crumbling down, there are people around me who appreciate me for who I am. And also to shower me with so much love and care. =)
For that, I am quite thankful for the heartbreak as it actually made me closer to my family and friends =D
Year 2014! (3 years ago)
Hmm. So this year. It was my second year in university.
Pursuing my degree in chemical engineering.
The year started off well at first. I was happy and excited to be back in university.
But, it hit rock bottom in May.
I guess 2014 has been the toughest year for me.
So, this is a bit personal. And I did not share it here before.
A few knows about this story.
But, I guess, I can finally share it now. As I've grown so much stronger since then.
At first, my dad had to be admitted to the hospital to undergo a surgery to remove a tumour in his colon.
But little did we know that it had leaked to his liver.
Later, from the scan result, it was confirmed that my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Yes. The big C.
It was the toughest time for me.
I kept asking myself why him of all people.
My dad has always been the kindest person I've ever known in my life.
The person who was so selfless. The person who was always putting his family first.
I could not get the answer. I hated the existence of that disease.
The pain that I had was unimaginable.
The pain is more than having a knife piercing through my heart.
I found it so unfair. I kept wishing that the scan was a false alarm. But, unfortunately, it was not.
I wished that we had found the tumour sooner.
But I guess, God has His plans.
I prayed. A lot.
I tried researching day and night.
In hopes of fighting it together with my dad. Giving him moral and mental supports.
All sorts of remedies recommended. All sorts of treatments he went for.
We tried everything we could.
I spent many nights crying alone. I kept feelings to myself. I did not want to appear weak in front of my family. Especially my dad.
It hurts.
I was suffering. A lot.
I became so lost.
I became more reserved. I built barriers.
I had the thoughts that nobody would understand how I actually felt and that was why I kept everything to myself. [biggest mistake ever]
Everyday, I had the fear of losing the one person who means a lot to me.
The person whom I am the closest to.
It was difficult. But, I know, if it was difficult for me, it must have been way more difficult for my dad.
So, I had to slowly accept it despite going back and forth from denial and acceptance.
We made the most out of those days. I pushed away all the negative thoughts even though the reality was not as perfect as it was.
I filled my days with hopes and positive thoughts.
And spent time as I always have been with my family.
Then. =) August came.
Someone special decided to walk into my life. Tearing down all the barriers I had.
And gave me the happiness, support and strength which I needed.
We spent time together. And slowly got used to one another before we made it official.
And, in September, I finally decided to get into a relationship. =)
I am thankful to God for this blessing.
As this special person of mine has been showering me with so much love, care, attention and patience during my difficult moments.
He came at the most unexpected but the right time as well.
He has made things easier for me.
Because of him, I can feel vulnerable.
And also, his presence gave me positive energy.
As if lifting me off from the worries I had.
Distracting me with better things in life and thus, creating healthy thoughts in my mind.
I was filled with so much happiness around him that I forgot all the problems I had.
Having him pushed away all the negative and toxic thoughts I had.
And also, having him felt that it's not the end of the world despite the situation I was in.
He gave me strength and with the strength, I had hopes.
He gave me the assurance that despite of everything, I have someone who is always there for me.
With him, I spent less and less time thinking about all the "what if?" and
"what could happen" .
As I had to allocate my time for him.
To have someone who loves me during my difficult moments was the most comforting feeling ever.
2014 has been a bittersweet year for me. It has definitely left deep scars in my life but also, has given me a new journey with that someone special =)
Year 2017! (Current)
So, we are currently in chapter four of year 2017.
It's crazy how time flies.
Not much has happened though. Hmm.
I finally graduated as a chemical engineer. ;D
Final year was tough, but I am glad I made it through.
The first two months of year 2017 were crazy. I was so occupied.
I had my structured interview in January and later, I had to do some preparations for Chinese New Year.
Mid of March, I was informed that I passed the interview =D
I could never be more grateful and thankful to God for His endless blessings =)
At the moment, I am just waiting for my placement.
Fingers-crossed that hopefully, all is well.
In March as well, I started looking for part time jobs to fill up my time.
Instead of rotting at home. XD
So, I managed to land a few part time jobs. I know. It's crazy that I have a few of them. hahahaha xD
Anyway, we are quarter down the 2017 road. =)
So, I am hoping that this year will sail smoothly.
Pretty sure bumps are unavoidable.
But, I hope, they are not as big as how the past three years have been hahaha XD
Owh well! I can't wait to embark on a new journey.
As an employee instead of a student =P
This new journey is gonna be exciting. Everything is gonna be different.
And... The real adulthood finally kicks in. Hmm.
This my story =)
It's a long post it seems. hahaha xD
Hmm. To think about it, I think I've grown over the years.
A different person from then and now.
And I am happy with who I am currently.
I guess that's all for now.
Till then.
Bye! =D
"I met you in the dark. You lit me up."
11:50 PM
